Alhamdulillah it ended. At last.
Gone all the tears. Helllooo smiley face!
Lately i barely slept. It's been a month or two that I had to force myself to sleep by reciting Quran, reading or write till i am really exhausted.
Today , I woke up after 4 hours of sleep, feeling rejuvenated.
I sat in the balcony & watched the sunrise .For the first time I felt a sense of calmness and gratitude. I noticed how big the sun is and how small we are compared to God's creation. So does my little tiny problem. It's nothing compared to the universe.
All this while I've been weeping for a stupid meaningless fling.Yes , people can do stupid things when it comes to the matter of heart. Love makes you blind ,they say. Then after so many phases and stages of drama,denial,rejections, griefing ,contemplating and reasoning, it hit me. All came back to me into pieces like a jigsaw puzzle. I finally see the bigger picture. I had an epiphany or Oprah's favourite word , " My Aha Moments" . (Yeah , I am know at the stage of accepting ...haha)
I had the life that most people envied & die for which is Freedom.
I quit my job ,got to do what I love & passionate .I can wake up at anytime I want. Do whatever I wanted. I start up my own company, Urbaniqab Trading, get the opportunity to do charity & volunteering work that lead to freelance job offer with Mercy Mission,meet wonderful strangers & customers that later become best friends .I can travel,eat sleep whenever I like because I had many good friends who gladly open their arms and welcome me anytime at their couch & pantry , which I am really grateful for.Alhamdulillah , may Allah grant you Jannah , my sahabah for always being there during my loneliest darkest hour especially when I need you the most.
So why do people get sad & heartbroken really bad?
It's because of the memories, illusions of hope & expectations.
We got carried away with emotions yet we've forgotten to see the beauty that surrounded us and appreciate what we have now.
I realized now .
I am capable of anything.
I might not have big car,big houses,or big family but I have big dreams.
I might not have it all but I've got other things that other people don't have~ Time.
Being single is a blessing too.
The single ones yearned to have beautiful kids ,great husband & happy marriage while the married couple longing for privacy and things they wished they can do when they're still single. We tend to forgot that everything requires commitment ,effort & TIME. Marriage does not define happiness.You don't need people or things to make you feel happy and complete.
What makes you happy is YOU.
The sooner you realize that things are the way it is because Allah had decreed something much more better for you , the easier you'll let things go. Make lots of duaa and ask everyone to make duaa for you too.
And always make duaa for others as well.
Indeed things happen for a reason.
I 'm glad I finally found my "hikmah" & "sakinah".I forgive and am now a working in progress to forget.Strange as it may sound , I feel happy the way things turn out
What makes me able to forgive and forget so quick ? I saw him as not the One. The One will not hurt you & let you face difficulties alone. Beside he is not what I wanted. I want a guy who is faithful, honest,knows exactly what he wants & a leader. Basically a "muslim" & a gentlemen.
Wish me luck then.
I can't hardly wait to embark new beginnings & finally meet "him" one day when the time is right :)
Ameen.
